Thursday, November 19, 2015

Lost the Desire to Blog

I've been wanting to pull back from posting things out on the Internet for everyone to see. I value my privacy more now than I ever have before. Too many people read my blog from my personal life and I don't like not being able to control who sees what. I needed a break, so I backed away for awhile. Sorry, not sorry for leaving you...

I don't know how much story to share when most of it is not my story to tell. I can't write when I feel shushed or conflicted about what I should or shouldn't say. It's just annoying. I can't really be myself in this space. Maybe I should just start fresh somewhere else? Anonymously? I have so much to vent, so much to process, so much that I need to get out of my system. Posting somewhere anonymously could be fun and give me a little freedom in my writing. Or should I make this blog private and only invite who I want? That would take a lot of fun out of it, but would give me a lot of control.

Starting a story and not finishing it is annoying too. So I'm sorry to anyone who has been following along and likes to see updates. I'm terrible at this and wish I was a better storyteller. I know I kind of left a lot of things hanging and unsaid. I wish I had taken advantage of this space and turned it into something awesome, or at least a true reflection of our lives. But that's impossible and I give up. Basically.

My husband wants nothing to do with social media, so I've been slowly posting less and less about him and keeping pictures of him off the internet as much as I could contain my over-sharing self. All I post on Facebook is pictures of the babies. It's easy to share with family (and their birth families) that way. There are reasons why I want to shut that down too. I need to take a step back, reel it in, and focus on my immediate family for awhile - meaning me, the hubby, and the kiddos... and no one else. I need to cocoon around them right now and be in our own little world. Stay back, folks. Bonding is happening here!

We have three children. It is every bit as amazing and exhausting that I thought it would be. That is our life now and I feel like we've finally moved from empty to full, unhappy to happy, anxious to settled. This is how it was always supposed to be... it just took time. And now apparently, that is the end of the desire to write here.

I feel lame about all that. But I also sort of don't care. Ha ha. Just being real.

I feel like the very least I could do is post some pictures, dangit! So I will do that and leave this here until I figure out what to do with all this. If you have something to say that you've been wanting to comment and ask or say or whatever, now would be the time to do it because sooner rather than later I am OUTTA here! :)

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