Saturday, June 20, 2015

Post-Placement & Finalization

Those first few weeks after we brought Shak home were 1) exhausting and 2) emotionally complicated. We hung in there and knew they'd pass. And they did. It got much easier once we processed some things and recognized where some things were coming from.

For example, I felt disconnected from Shak and I think it was tied to actually seeing him be born. I thought that would bring me closer to him, but it kind of freaked me out and then I didn't bond with him immediately. It was an odd feeling, because I could differentiate between that and how much I loved him. I knew I loved him and he was just perfect. So when I felt the odd "I don't want to be in the same room with him" feeling and would let Zay handle all baby things while I took care of Kal... I knew it wasn't based on anything logical and that it would pass, but it felt weird.

When we had our post-placement visits with our caseworker before finalization, we talked about that. And she pointed out that it's totally normal to feel that way after witnessing someone else give birth to your child. That really resonated with me... I'm so glad I was so involved at the hospital and I got to be a part of so much (that was amazing and I'll never forget it), but it also put up a wall in my heart because I actually witnessed his first mom and her sacrifice and connection to him. I knew that being his everyday mom would never make me biologically related to him and I'll always share him with her in a way. Something about seeing his birth just made that stand out more for me and it's something I had to think about and process. When our caseworker pointed that out it made me relax and give myself time to grieve my infertility once again.

Since then I've had plenty of moments of one-on-one time with Shak, getting to know him and familiarize myself with his face and make the connection that I'm mom and he's mine. It came. I just had to be patient. Now that bond is as fierce as it ever was with Kal and you better believe I would stab somebody in the eye over him if I had to! Lol.

One month old:

at church

Big ole feet

giving me that mean face

It's just crazy how well he complements our family and how he just slid into place and announced, "I'm here!"... yep, he's ours. He literally hollers to announce his presence and it is so awesome. The loudest, most hilarious cooing I've ever heard. Singing, really.

We had two post-placement visits and had them sent to the lawyer at the agency in Kansas. He went to court at the beginning of April and gave us a call to tell us he had news... we've gotta keep that baby. :D ... Waiting less than two months to finalize his adoption (when normally it would be six months in Utah) was awesome and just perfect... because if Baby #3 was going to be coming in the summer, having Baby #2's adoption completed in the nick of time just felt like divine intervention.

Zay says this is Shak's "this is some bull" face... P.S. - we need to get a new Bumbo (or two), because back when we had cats, they scratched the crap outta this one!

Friday, June 19, 2015

Kal's 4th Birthday + Shak's Baby Shower

Kal turned 4 in March. His birthmama and I always share in the excitement over that day. She's so proud of him and thinks he's as amazing as I think he is. :)  He moved up to the 4-year-old preschool class at school.

We had a party! Shak had been home a couple weeks, so it was a "welcome home baby" shower as well.

These boys adore each other.

Since we were celebrating both of my boys, I wanted a theme that could be for both of them. I picked dinosaurs. We had a cutesy dinosaur cake in honor of the baby and a more cool/scary dinosaur cake for the big ole 4-year-old!

It's always fun to get so many people together and get to catch up. Shak got passed around. That's the best part about waiting to have a baby shower until the baby's actually here... so everybody can love on him. :) Real babies are way better than theoretical babies!!!

Kal had fun too. He wishes everyday was his birthday so all his friends can come over everyday like that. He's a super social kid. Everybody has been so awesome and supportive and helpful. I'm still using diapers from that baby shower. And I have wipes to last me through the millennium! From thinking Kal would be an only child to having Shak here with us finally was a humbling, bring me to my knees kind of gratefulness. He's so perfect and I love that sucker to death.

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