Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day Then & Now

So, I went back and read my previous blogs about Mother's Day and it was interesting to see how it has evolved for me. First I was sad and angry but in super-research mode as we were trying to get through adoption paperwork, then in shock as I was a brand new mom and didn't have the words to express how I was feeling, then super happy after I quit my job and became a stay-at-home mom after a year of working sooo far away from my son.

Now... this Mother's Day... I'm tired. Lol. But still super happy. Actually, much much happier. :)

Mother's Day at the park

Stay-at-home mom'ing it has been quite the experience. It took some time to build up my confidence in it, to know that I was doing my best to teach Kal everything he needs to know and hit every milestone and give him enriching experiences, etc. I stretched myself too thin for awhile, scaled back and simplified, and then I finally hit my groove.

Things have been going pretty dang well for awhile now. I've gone back and forth in my mind, wondering if working outside the home is still something I want to do, but little by little I'm starting to think staying home is going to be a long-term decision. We've got a nice little routine most days that we keep flexible in case something fun, different, or new comes up. Then we throw the routine out the window and do whatever until things settle down again and we get back to routine. Things are just too fun right now and I don't want to mess it up by tying myself down to a job. Can't believe I'd ever think that way, but I'm starting to!

Why would I want to spend 8 hours a day away from this fella??

Over time as a stay-at-home mom, I've learned to focus on my strengths and allow Zay to balance me out with the things I'm not that great at. Women beat themselves up all the time about what they can't do perfectly, but I have decided... let it be known... I HAVE DECIDED that I'm not gonna beat myself up about not being able to be perfect in every single area of life. Once that thought clicked in my mind and I said out loud that I'VE DECIDED, suddenly the perfectionist in me gave way and a new woman was born - a woman who can suddenly do lots of things pretty dang good because she's not caught up on doing everything one-at-a-time and perfectly. Or not doing things at all because she's too insecure to start. SCREW THAT. Life is too short.

I do get tired. There are so many things I want to do and allocating my time is trickier than it used to be. But mostly my tiredness comes from forgetting to take "me time" regularly. When I'm extra tired or feeling anxious, normally it's because I have (again) forgotten to take some time for myself and have been giving, giving, giving and not recharging my batteries ("story of my life" for most moms out there, huh?).

One way I make sure that I get "me time" is that I schedule it, put it on the calendar, tell Zay I'm gonna be gone, and then I take off. Ha ha. This year, I've been doing things that I used to love, but have let fall to the side over the years - reading (joined a book club), sports (get together with some girls to play basketball and volleyball), singing (joined our church choir).

I'm also serving in the church women's organization as the secretary (I like organizing things, so I think I'm gonna be good at it). And I'm in the beginning stages of starting a small business with my best friend, so I get to hang out with her sometimes all day and put all my good business sense to use! I am feeling very fulfilled right now. :) The old me would be overwhelmed, the new me is learning to balance and sacrifice and prioritize and forget about what other people are doing and JUST DO ME. :)

My business partner and friend. She's nuts. :)

Infertility feels like a thing of the past. Not a concern at all. I feel like it made me a better mother than I would have been otherwise, it helped me find a passion in adopting, and it is just something I don't think about anymore. Boom, gone. Just like that. Good riddance. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything anymore. I have vicariously had many, many babies through all my awesome friends and their amazing birth stories. Lol. I have officially moved on and Mother's Day means something completely different to me now. Adoption has healed me.

Life is good, yall!

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