Sunday, September 25, 2011

Looking Forward

I don't think Zay and I are done creating our family, but the number of children I want has dwindled considerably! I used to think I wanted at least 13 kids (I'm serious!)... but now I realize why most babies come one at a time. Because it's definitely a one at a time type of decision.

I'm satisfied with our family right now, but I know that the baby bug will hit me again. Sooner or later it will. So, looking forward I think we will just take it a day at a time. I won't do anything unless I am absolutely sure about it, so it may be awhile. Who knows...?

If we adopt again, there's no telling how long it will take or if we will face failed adoptions or whatever. I don't know what the chances are of us having a second adoption go as smoothly as our first one. There could be a lot of ups and downs to drag out the process. If we do decide on adoption for our next child, we will go through LDS Family Services again (Foster Care and international adoption are in the back of my mind, but it's not what we want to do yet) and they require Kal to be a year old before we can start the paperwork again to get approved.

If we try fertility treatments again, the possibility of me getting pregnant is still completely up in the air... so that could be a never-ending process. Every time I open a certain drawer in my bathroom and see those leftover fertility meds sitting there, I just think "Hmmmm...." and shut it quickly. I'm not ready.

One kid is a lot of responsibility. My whole heart is wrapped up in loving Kal and making sure he has what he needs. I know that having at least one sibling will be best for him, but the timing and the spacing between them doesn't feel as important to me as it once did. I get really hesitant when I think about expanding our family. It's not something I want to rush into at all.

I see these huge families around here (making babies is definitely the thing to do in Utah), and I just wonder how in the world can they handle that? emotionally? physically? financially? Craziness, I say. Craziness. We're gonna take this slow...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Bonding with a Child who was Adopted

We didn't have any trouble bonding with Kal-El once he was placed with us. I actually think I have the opposite problem of bonding too quickly, which can be emotionally dangerous during the adoption process when things may or may not work out (I'm glad I didn't think that doing Foster Care was the right path for us when we wanted to adopt, because children can be in and out of your home and I could see myself being emotionally torn up about that). Zay was confident that he wouldn't have a problem bonding, and he never did. As soon as we saw Kal, we knew we were in love. It was a moment we had waited for for so long that it was impossible to feel indifferent or unattached. He was meant to be ours.

Things that have made bonding easier in our situation:

- being prepared (we read about bonding and I studied everything under the sun about adoption beforehand, this was something we had waited for for so long that our hearts were open and ready)

- he being our first child (we didn't have anything to compare it to - I've heard how having a biological child first and then adopting a child tends to make you want to compare and over worry about the bonding process)

- having a connection to the pregnancy as much as possible (meeting his birthmother when she was pregnant with him, hearing his heartbeat during a checkup, having a baby shower to celebrate getting chosen to be his parents, getting to attend the 40-week appointment)

- adopting him from birth and being given parental responsibilities right off the bat (sleeping at the hospital while K recovered from her c-section, taking care of him on our own during his brief stay in the NICU, leaving the hospital with him)

- no recovery time (not having to worry about post-partum depression or recovering from giving birth was helpful for me, no hormones or medications were clouding my mind, I could think straight and I could just love on Kal as much as I wanted)

- time off of work (thank goodness for my awesome job that allowed me to take off whatever time I needed, lots of bonding time and "finding a routine" time during those first few weeks)

- the distance between us and the birth family after placement (I can see now that we like having our space and it helped us feel like a family more quickly than if we lived too close... now that the bond is there and more than enough time has passed I'm excited about getting to go back to GA and see everyone for Christmas! - he'll be 9 months old then)

Our caseworker talked to us about bonding and she said that even having a biological child takes time for the bonding to happen, so to not worry about it and when it happened we would know. There were quiet moments when Kal was asleep on my chest and I just watched him sleep. Zay staying home with Kal has given him plenty of time to fall in love with him. His favorite thing to say lately is, "That's my boy. That's my boy." Kal fits in so well. We love his personality. He is definitely our son and the bond is there. It feels so easy, so natural to love him. :)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

10th Anniversary of 9/11 - Where Were You When 9/11 Took Place?


10 years ago...

I was just about to turn 16. I was in the 10th grade. It was 11 days before Zay and I started dating. I was driving/riding in Driver's Ed, I can't remember which. My teacher was Coach Eubanks. He was such a nice guy... super relaxed and just really calm. He had the radio on and the reports started coming in that a plane had run into one of the twin towers in New York. My first thought was, "What an idiot. How did someone manage to hit a building?" My second thought was, "I don't even know what the twin towers are..."

We headed back to the school and the rest of the day was spent watching the news reports. I felt so disconnected to what was happening. I really didn't understand the magnitude of it. A lot of students just wanted to know if we were gonna get days off from school because of it.

The older I get, the more the stories surrounding the attacks on 9/11 touch me, inspire me, devastate me, horrify me. They make me feel closer to my country, closer to my God. I wonder who I would've been had I been there that day - a hero? ...a looter? ...a runner/screamer? ...a jumper?

It's still hard to believe that we were "caught slipping," as Zay would say. How could we let something like that happen?

I love that it brought us closer together as a people, even if only for a short period of time. We forget, though. We go back to our arrogant, immoral ways and forget that we once put God first. I worry about where we're headed as a country... and if anybody really has the guts to stand up for what's right anymore? With God on our side, we can do anything... but I fear the day when the majority of us turn our back on Him.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

What a Real Man Looks Like

Daddy-Son baby-wearing! Adorable. :)
Zay is doing such an awesome job taking care of Kal during the day! Stay-at-home daddying it! :D

I admit I was a little nervous at first when we worked things out this way. I think those motherly instincts kicked in strong and I wanted to be with Kal every second of the day. And then I worried about me being the breadwinner causing some sort of inadvertent power shift or tension or something in our marriage. I think men like the feeling of providing and I didn't want to take that away from him.

But it has seriously been so perfect for us. At least for right now, it works. I think we respect each other more in these roles than traditional ones. Our personalities mesh with these roles better. I don't know... it just works. Plus, I had the education that he didn't and could get a better job at this point in time in our lives. Eventually when he finishes school this won't be the case and I'm sure things will change. But for right now, this is our life.

I love my job. Zay is a much better cook and so organized. I crave the structure of working and the interaction with adults. Zay has been working since he was a young teenager and now he's loving the flexibility and the bonding time he has with his boy. They are SO cute together! He is so in love with this little boy of ours. My heart just explodes at the cuteness of it all.

A man who can change a diaper with one hand, cook dinner, and mix up bottles of formula is most definitely a real man. :)

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